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I stood next to my red Ferrari, keys in hand, billions in bank and in back pocket. I was ready to see the world. To taste its foods, watch its games, travel and look at the great wonders, till I went broke.
I started my travels in the little town of George, Washington. From there I travelled to the town of Barrack Omaha, Nebraska. It was an out of the way place, a little cold in the evening. I wanted to by a picture phone one evening, so I could take some snaps when I went to the Ponderosa. I went to Radio Shack, Best Buy, and The Blackberry Bush, but they didn’t have anything worth buying. I skipped town when I was beset by that monster of a man, Huge-o Chavez, and his sidekick the Joker. The latter looked like Hilary Clinton with green hair, but I couldn’t see well on such A Dark Night. They tossed a poor piano down a working mineshaft, and I distinctly heard A Flat Minor.
From there I headed to the city of Hanna, Montana, to see the big game between the Snowy Cardinals and the Tennessee Titanics. Unfortunately, since the Titanics haven’t won a game, or played one, since 1912, the Cardinals ended up playing basketball against the legendary gang-team, “Robin’s ’hood.” they were slaughtered. When the ball was lost halfway through the game, US Congress and our botanical president the W. Bush, appropriately known as the “Blank of America,” saved the day with their Ball-out plan.
From there I travelled to Sweet Home Alabama, to a place call Rosa Park. The town taxidermist, Leonard the Skinner, was complaining about name discrimination in places like “Maryland” and “Jamestown,” (where the pilgrims swam the Indian Ocean). From there I visited a Gettysburg address, called Richtown, where I could glean metals from David’s Copperfield or swim in Pearl Harbour. From there I travel to the town of Jones, Indiana, to do the famous Rush Limbo, but I was chased away by a stupid Mutt. Out west, when I did visit the Ponderosa, when ever I needed the police I was instructed to “Call a Rado.”
I finally decided to leave for another country. I headed for jolly old Great Britain, where, not far form the Garden of Edland, I was told I could visit Cain’s Bridge. I went, only to find the roof of my hut was leaky. They said the best hut roofer out there was a lady named Margaret Thatcher. I skipped on that one. I would have gone sea-bathing had it not been for all the Wales in that part of the world.
I travelled through the wardrobe into the land of Narnia, hoping to get some good pictures there. I visited the Caspian sea, Beaversdam, Hamsterdam and Amsterdam. I tried to go to Calormen, but all I found was a Turkey. And he was in our own world. The turkey was concerned about the Holy War in Israel, so I left him and headed for the Dead C, who had been recently killed by the bloody Red C. The latter attacked me with an emerging glop monster, which we aptly named Charles Darwin. I needed to sail across, so I asked the teen sailor trio, Jonah’s Brothers, to take me on their famous Tom Cruise. We ended up in a storm, and the said we would have to make an emergency Anchorage in Alaska. After being fired upon by a moose hunter in glasses, who kept screaming “Dog’on,” we sought refuge in the sailing country of I’ll-Sail-Ya, somewhere near Oceania. From there I went to Mongolia, as part of my search for fine food, to taste their famous spice Ginger Khan.
After checking out Moscow and some other places, I headed for Texas. Me and an equally rich partner, Leonardo Decapitated, were going into space. So we loaded into our space shuttle and took off. I looked and saw that our travelling buddy, Tim LaHaye, hadn’t gotten into the ship when we took off. Poor fellow. He had been Left Behind.
I wanted to stop at the moon to visit my friends Neal, Lance, and Louis who had all travelled there in ’69. I didn’t see Lance, ‘cause he was off with an alien girl he was courting. She had an odd name. “Lance a lot with Guinevere.” Louis explained. We toured the planets, beginning with Mercury and ending with Pluto and Aristotle, and then headed home. Broke. But I got some great pictures.