was i bored when i wrote this?

IMG_4255  

 One subject which has, to my great alarm, become more and more prominently discussed in casual conversation within my house of late, is that of arranged marriage. It is for no particular purpose, as far as I know, save for the testing of that unproven theory that obscure controversial subjects provoke deep discussion. I find no personal enjoyment in either the concept or the discussion thereof. It does, however, go a great way toward revealing a person’s goals, their attitude toward certain pertinent subjects, and the depth of their personal study.

  I do not pretend to have looked at the topic overmuch; I can make no defense for this; and I will make no promises as to my looking into it in the near future, unless I feel earnestly led in that direction.

  However, to make a few trifling remarks, I offer that it might be helpful to look at our view of marraige. Once a good friend of mine, whom I attempt to paraphrase, with fear of misrepresentation, made the remark that she could not be led to marry unless she were very much in love. I appreciated her statement, for I believe I would not marry with less. Not for purposes of the will, but because by today’s standards it happens pretty easily.

   Have our views of marital bliss been propagated by romance?

   Perhaps where the slip comes, and I speak as  a fool, is in our idea that marriage was made for our happiness. While that is perhaps an element of necessity, it is my belief that the main pupose is holiness, and conformity to the image of Christ. It may even be more looked forward to with such a view, especially for young people. Yet, i would not take this to the extreme that our dear Wesley did; and I would be the first to say the I have much to learn. But I think it’s beautiful nonetheless, and I trust that as Christians, by grace, in sickness and in health, might in some small measure live to fulfill all the good pleasure of God through this institution.  

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  1. #1 by mom on August 14, 2009 - 6:42 am

    Granny smith…Macintosh….Fuji.
    The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. What does this family have against talking about the weather?

  2. #2 by mom on August 14, 2009 - 6:43 am

    Oh yeah. Meet me behind the woodshed!

  3. #3 by Emily on August 14, 2009 - 8:53 am

    ‘the testing of that unproven theory that obscure controversial subjects provoke deep discussion.’

    It doesn’t?

    What do you think about driver’s licences? Aren’t they a manifestation of big micromanaging government tyranny, reminiscent of every anti-utopian novel ever written? And does that really qualify as obscure, since I think about it every time I get mine out (which isn’t very often, actually, but anyway)?

  4. #4 by Jenny LF on August 16, 2009 - 4:42 pm

    As a close friend of the family I’m hoping I’m not the girl mentioned (“she could not be led to marry unless she were very much in love”)…but I would agree with her. 😛 Caleb and I have had many long discussions on love and marriage, often on opposite sides, I might add. All I can do is realize that we’re seeing two sides of the picture. Nice post, btw.

  5. #5 by RileyDad on August 17, 2009 - 11:36 am

    Jacob, Jacob, Jacob . . .

    You are going to keep this up and force me to write a long treatise on my views about this topic (& then everyone will be mad at me. 🙂 )

  6. #6 by Gertrude on August 18, 2009 - 5:23 pm

    I’ve noticed that that “One subject” is the one that I most hear at your house.
    But, I have not been to your house in a while, so hopefully it’s changed, right?

  7. #7 by Heather C Brandon on August 18, 2009 - 6:07 pm

    Oh boy! I just couldn’t resist!
    “she could not be led to marry unless she were very much in love.” Tsk, tsk, tsk….. How does one even have a clue what love is BEFORE marriage? I think the proper definition of this kind of love would be infatuation & attraction, things that can come after a marriage. (Ask Isacc & Rebekah one day. They’d never met before they were married.)
    Crush is a more proper term to describe why many young folks get married ‘for love’ these days. Love is more of an action, not a feeling. This is God’s definition of love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This love will stand the test of time.
    The love our culture esteems is more like definition the book of satan gives. “Is not lust & carnal desire a more accurate term to describe love.” This is why we have so many divorces in the church these days. People marry for “love.” Not God’s definition, but Satan’s. Satan’s definition dries up seven years later, 10, 20, or even 50 years later. The ‘magic’ is gone, ‘what was I thinking when I married this person’?, all an improper foundation. I’m not saying a right foundation cannot be built because Christians often find the real verb of love HAS to take place in a Christian marriage, and some find Christ in this search because only God is love.
    Did A. Judson marry his 2cd, 3rd, 4th, wife because he was ‘in love?’ (He was widowed many times) Did Martin Luther marry Katie because he was smitten in love with her? (He actually thought she was homely) He married to protect her, love & cherish her, and she was a helpmeet to him. Madame Guyon’s husband was awful to her and she thanked God for this sanctification in her life to kill her entrenched vanity. Our spouses should be instruments in shaping each other for kingdom work. Paul Washer has an excellent (I’m sure) sermon on this, I think I’ll look it up & listen to it…

    8 Love never fails.

  8. #8 by flinding on August 19, 2009 - 8:09 am

    Mom: I’m not sure how to respond.
    *Emma*: the more you drive independently, the more you will have to get used to that…
    Jenny: Well, for the record, I kinda wished I hadn’t used that; on my part, it certainly was not an attempt to slam anyone, but I get the feeling that it could have been taken that way. And I don’t think it was from you, actually.
    HCB: “oh boy”?

    And though the lyrics to the song I was just listening to are not really relevant, they do seem to describe the *trouble* that this random post has put me in:
    I’m diving in, I’m going deep,
    In over my head I want to be………

  9. #9 by abbygrace42801 on August 19, 2009 - 1:58 pm

    Thanks Heather. I read this today- it came from “I, Issac, take thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias

    “I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it the promise that made the marraige. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them-it was that promise.”
    Thornton Wilder

  10. #10 by flinding on August 21, 2009 - 10:26 am

    Uh, thanks, (I feel an obligation to say this) for all y’all’s, opinions.
    Hopefully, to argue more, we will put up an online discussion form. Heading it all up, I will say: “Awanged mawaige. Awanged mawaige is what bwings us together, today. Awanged mawiage, that controversial…..awangment. Dat dweam, wivin a nightmawe.”

  11. #11 by JennyLF on August 21, 2009 - 4:16 pm

    LOL. I hope you don’t get in trouble, Frank. I would write a long post about love, arranged marriages, etc. but am not prepared to do so at the moment.

  12. #12 by maidenoftheroses on August 21, 2009 - 5:43 pm

    Then again, I’m working on one now but will let Caleb read it before publishing it…just to make sure I don’t say anything totally…”unwise” (I get in trouble with kids I babysit for using the word “stupid” sometimes). 😐

  13. #13 by Emily on August 21, 2009 - 11:03 pm

    Hmmmm . . . .
    ‘Let us end this discussion before it leads us places we do not wish to go.’

    Incidently, I laughed at Jacob’s last. But I beg to point out, Mr Freaked-Out-About-Our-Controversial-Views, you brought it up. Be man enough to take the heat 🙂 😉 🙂 .

    I. Am. Not. Getting. Involved.

    Really.

    And it’s not because I don’t want to.

    ~Emily

  14. #14 by maidenoftheroses on August 30, 2009 - 3:40 pm

    Under the circumstances, I’m not going to write any long post right now. Anyway, all I was going to say was that there are many ways to get to the alter, and we all have different stories. If we are in Christ, our goal is that all our relationships, attitudes, words, and actions bring glory to God. Though I have placed too much significance in the past on dating/courtship/betrothal/engagement rules, there are certain paths to the alter that seem to bring much more glory to Christ than others. That’s the very brief summary. Thanks for letting me say what you probably already knew/guessed/didn’t need to know.

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