The most difficult I’m finding thing about writing (on this site at least: I’m thinking of writing a indefinitely long paper for a friend’s benefit) is not how to express myself, but the middle way between the altar and the door, to borrow a Casting Crowns expression. It’s the problem that i have to write, chiefly, to people who know me personally. And whether it be self-conscious pride or fear of penetrating truth I don’t know, but I get the feeling after I’ve written something really long with a lot of thought, and which possibly has a lot of implications, people will be saying to themselves “That’s not Jake. I know him, and he doesn’t seem to live that way.” Well, that’s because he doesn’t. Not generally. Living of to ones beliefs is hard for everyone, and I’m a case.
Like, for example, I catch myself wondering if i should post this at all. Because it’s all about me. My problems, my struggles, or just anything that will turn the spotlight on self. If I look at two people that I try so hard to imitate, Martyn Lloyd-Jones and Charles Spurgeon, they spoke of themselves to an alarmingly small extent: and when they did, it wasn’t really about them. It was all about Him.
So in the midst of all that, I have a lot I want to say, and I’ll probably jot it down in a post at some later date when I have more clarity of thought. Till then, I’ll use this more profound form of expression (which I didn’t even write):
Lord we lie before Thy feet
Look on all our deep distress;
Thy rich mercy may we meet,
Clothe us with Thy righteousness;
Stretch forth Thine almighty hand
Hold us up, and we shall stand.
Oh, that closer could we cleave,
To Thy bleeding, dying breast
Give us firmly to believe
And to enter into rest
Lord, increase, increase our faith,
Make us faithful unto death.
Let us trust Thee evermore
Every moment on Thee call
For new life, new will, new power,
Let us trust Thee, Lord, for all
May we nothing know beside,
Jesus and Him crucified.