big-screen p*****hood

The substance of this is actually an email I sent to some people, but the rest of you can help too:

I don’t really know if any of you have heard anything concerning a documentary about P******hood MS. I need to set the record straight about the project that really is underway, and make some requests of each of you, to see how involved you can be in the film.
While it will contain actual footage from several petitioning events, the new film is really designed less as a documentary and more as a way in which to portray the battles of emotions, an all the various struggles that various petitioners underwent. That means the producers will need a lot of input from the actual people who were involved, and we need most of you to make appearances. Here a few key story elements and characters (now keep  in mind, the story has been shaped to portray the emotional conflict and all the individual struggles, so we -I mean, they- tweaked the story to capture the big picture):

The P*****hood film, which is being produced by P*****hood Productions, and includes Micaiah Davis as one of the story designers, as well as having famed stunt choreographer Jake Riley and fight coordinator Ben Riley, is set around the effort in Mississippi to collect signatures to get a Pro-Life initiative on the ballot in 2011. There are a lot of people who would like to thwart this for the own political ends, including some of the State’s top officials. As the head baddie says in one scene, “Stop P*****hood. If you must hurt anybody, break any valuables, even destroy cities, stop it.” But their evil plans are being firmly resisted by all the petitioners, especially Ben Riley (played by Ben Riley), Jake Riley (played by Jake Riley), and whoever else volunteers for the job. They have sworn to gather the signatures and protect the petitioners: with a clipboard in their backpacks, a sniper-machine cannon in their left hand, Light-sabers in their right hands, girded in heavy jousting uniforms, and riding atop laser and ray-gun equipped dragons, they may be the right team for the job.
Other cast/characters will include:
Baron Von Automaton (pending actor: somebody named Matt): One of the many assassins hired by the politicians, this mercenary may not look like much on the outside, but when he pilots his fifteen hundred foot tall petitioner destruction robot, not even the bravest petitioners want to face him. The Petitioners of the round table eventually battle it out with him in front of the Secretary of State’s office as they fight to turn in the last few signatures.
The Zube (portrayed by Nicole Zubro): This gifted assassin poses a bigger problem to our heroes than all of the others combined. She wears her favourite trophies on a necklace, and her track record has a body count higher than James Bond, and almost as high as Tom and Jerry. Always working to the heavy beat of Make War by Tedashi, her favourite means of extermination is something called “Servetus Burns Again!”; she always sends the petitioners running, until Ben and Jake show up to stop her. But will the dragons and light-sabers be enough to stop this powerful adversary? (Script in making: we want a special cannon fodder for her to kill. We were considering using the no-nonsense, know-nonsense petitioner Caleb Green (portrayed by Caleb Green) but we don’t know if he will show up to fill that role.)
Other Assassins: as people step forward to fill the roles, we alter the story to fit in more professional petition stoppers. These usually are disguised as festival authorities or police officers, and most of them are taken out by the end of the film.
Petitioners: obviously, the story includes a lot of petition action in it. People we hope to get into those roles will include the famed mercenary warrior MD(portrayed by Micaiah Davis) who aids the Rileys in taking down assassins, as well as other greats like the Lawyer Steve Crampton (portrayed by Matt Damon, probably), Phillip Morris (portrayed by, well, Philip Morris), Sponsor Les Riley (Les Riley or Kirk Cameron) as well as a lot of innocent bystander who may have to get killed for the sake of getting the big picture, including Caytie Davis (Caytie Davis) Jason Storms (Jason Storms), Jennifer Frederick (Jenny Frederick), Caleb Frederick (Caleb Frederick or Tom Cruise), Katie Carrol (You get the picture) and many, many others.
Not one, but two intriguing Romances: this film is set to have to great romantic subplots: one between Tyler Uphurch (Tyler Upchurch), a brave Tennessean who risk everything to allegedly help us, and Emily Riley (Emily Upchurch) , daughter of the sponsor and sister of the brave Riley brothers; the second is between Trey Riley (P.L. Riley III), a fierce petitioners with sideburns, and Candace Knapscheafer (Candace Riley), a, well, brave Tennessean who flees Wisconsin to help with the man she’s courting. The enemy will stop at nothing to stop the dream of these courters, so it’s up to the brave Ben, Jake, and pending character to risk their respective lives to protect the various, courtships. (Pending character ends up sacrificing himself; the Zube probably killed him.)

How does that sound? Let me know who can make the parts.

Some potential cast members.

  1. #1 by hannahrileytoo on August 31, 2010 - 3:37 pm

    I WANT TO BE CANNON FODDER!!!! please?

  2. #2 by Alias: the Jenny F. on August 31, 2010 - 3:56 pm

    Really, Frank?
    Count me in. 😛

  3. #3 by Ellie on August 31, 2010 - 4:20 pm

    Young Sailor, Young Sailor, Young Sailor… what are we going to do with you, boy? First, some typos & etc:
    You misspelled Emily Upchurch’s name really drastically; and you left out the final “i” in Tadashii.
    “Servetus Burns Again!”???? Yo crazy, mane.

    Otherwise, I think you’re on to something. Though you totally forgot the part where the assassins use their mind powers to attack the petitioners pens. Or where Nicole threw everyone into the gulf of Mexico after playing Volley Ball with them and pretending to be their friend.

    You’re a goofball 😛

  4. #4 by Jordan on August 31, 2010 - 7:20 pm

    This. Is. Epic.

  5. #5 by Emily on August 31, 2010 - 9:59 pm

    ‘a sniper-machine cannon in their left hand, Light-sabers in their right hands, girded in heavy jousting uniforms, and riding atop laser and ray-gun equipped dragons, they may be the right team for the job.’

    Or they’re interviewing for a job with the Memphis City Police Department. That sounds like the equipment for that job.

    P.S. You’re a goofball.

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